Life & Limb - A monthly podcast about Living Well with Limb Loss

[00:00:00] Larissa Camp: Welcome to Life and Limb, a podcast from Thrive magazine, all about living well with limb loss and limb difference. I'm Jeff Tiessen, publisher of Thrive magazine and your podcast host. My guest this episode is a talented hairstylist and a survivor of domestic violence, which cost her part of her right hand. Larissa Camp found herself fleeing for her life from violence with an ex-boyfriend shooting her at close range twice with a shotgun. She suffered life-altering injuries, including the loss of four fingers. But with strength and determination, she's found her purpose. And as Larissa says, I was given a story to share with the world in hopes of inspiring others to move forward despite challenges they may face. Larissa, welcome. How are you?

[00:00:58] Larissa Camp: I'm well, thank you. How are you, Jeff?

[00:01:00] Jeff Tiessen: I'm doing good, thank you. You were born in Missouri and you live in Atlanta, which makes you our first international guest on the podcast. So, we're thrilled about that. But that's right, right. You're living in Atlanta now?

[00:01:14] Larissa Camp: I am in Atlanta, yes.

[00:01:16] Jeff Tiessen: Okay. And that's going on 20 years.

[00:01:20] Larissa Camp: You said going on 20 years? Yes.

[00:01:23] Jeff Tiessen: Okay, well, that correlates with when your injury happened, right? It's about 20 years?

[00:01:31] Larissa Camp: Yes, that is correct. 20 years exactly.

[00:01:38] Jeff Tiessen: I know faith has been a real pillar in your life and not to sound cliche, but a saving grace in your trauma and recovery after the shooting. And before we talk about that, let's start with your childhood and your teen years. I understand that they might have been difficult. I don't know if that's an overstatement or an understatement, but you left home at 17?

[00:02:03] Larissa Camp: Yeah.

[00:02:03] Jeff Tiessen: Tell us a little bit about that, and how faith, as I understand it, likely saved your life for the first time back then.

[00:02:12] Larissa Camp: Yeah. So, I think I would have to say that my childhood years, I felt were very lonely, yet at times adventurous, because I found myself just really inquisitive and curious about a lot of things in life. Unfortunately, the town that I grew up in didn't have a whole lot to offer for the youth, except for local sports, basketball, track, and those things I participated in and I excelled in.

So probably right around about high school, I decided that I wanted to explore different things of life. I wanted to explore relationships, and probably about 14 I became a little bit rebellious. I remember having the track coach actually come to the house offering to buy me a letter jacket if I ran track for the next year because he just needed me on his team, he said. And you know, I knew I was quick. I used to beat all the boys until probably about high school. And it was fun, but I just had other interests. And honestly, right about that time, I became familiar with a gift that I had that I didn't know I had… this gift to do hair. And I started to kind of explore that as well and started to invite people within the community over to the house and they would get their hair done. And I was getting paid at 13 and it was great. Also, I had my first job working as a housekeeper in a lodge with my parents’ consent of course.

And I think Jeff, all of those things combined really gave me this freedom and sense of independence and knowing that there was more in life, and that the possibilities were limitless. But where I was, I was really frustrated. I hated school. I wasn't a fan. So, at 17 I did move out. That came with being rebellious too and just kind of bucking up against my parents and not wanting to listen to what they were trying to tell me. And you know, I went through this whole spiel. I remember at a certain point, you know, growing up and seeing my mom really dedicate her life to the Lord. And we were always there, like four times a week. And that was kind of getting on my nerves too because I couldn't understand why we were in a position where we didn't really have a lot. But my mom was steadily giving and what I thought of, or perception of, the church at the time was, you know, if you give to the Lord you're going to be blessed. But we were not blessed. So, in a sense I really didn't believe in God.

And it just so happened moving out and just getting into different things of life, becoming promiscuous, led probably right up to the situation where I got into this relationship. And that's where I believe God started to reel me back in. And I had to learn what faith really was.

[00:05:24] Jeff Tiessen: There was some experimentation, right? With substances and such.

[00:05:28] Larissa Camp: Oh yeah, yeah.

[00:05:30] Jeff Tiessen: Well, thank you for sharing that. Let's talk about that experience with domestic violence. He was your ex-boyfriend who you had left several times and returned to. And the night of the shooting you were responding to an ask for help from him. So, you went back to his house. Why did you do that? And what happened?

[00:05:57] Larissa Camp: Oh, wow. So, the night that I went back to the ex-boyfriend, this is probably the, maybe, second time leaving. And if I could kind of go back to what you mentioned about experimentation. So, before I met this gentleman, I had gotten involved in drugs and alcohol. And I had gotten to a point in my life where I became tired and I wanted to change. And just so happens I was one day on my way to a family reunion and my car had blown out. That's how I met this gentleman. And you know, in my mind I was thinking he was a knight in shining armor.

He pulled up, he decided, you know, he was going to help me change my tire and all. That was great. And I was, you know, totally excited that someone could pull over to help me because I was traveling alone as a female and kind of upset at the fact that, you know, the people that I thought were with me weren't really with me. Nobody answered the phone. You know, I had limited money, but that was the same time as well when I was really at this place in my life. I was tired of the drugs. I was tired of alcohol. I was just tired of my Life, probably about 22. And I knew I needed to change.

So, as it relates to just kind of moving forward into this relationship and, you know, doing the back and forth and eventually the relationship that I had began with this trucker, which is what he was, wasn't great. We had off and on fights. There was drugs and alcohol that was involved, maybe not as heavily as what it was when I was, you know, before I had met him, but still it was involved. It was a serious thing. And I did leave that relationship. There was some abuse that was taking place. And when I did go back, it was to help him. It was to help him. The night he called me, he stated that he was sick. Now, I knew everything within me was telling me to not, you know, engage, but I think there was a sense of still codependence there.

Through this process of healing and through really kind of reminiscing and reflecting through it all, what I'm seeing is that the drugs and alcohol, that's kind of like a codependent behavior and just kind of this relationship. Codependent. It took some process of time for me to really be able to realize that that's what that was. It wasn't because I just needed this person. I think it more so had to do with the sense of identity and how I found my identity and worth and power, maybe even. So, going back to helping him, why I went back. I still had a sense of, you know, wanting to do good things. I knew I was raised right. I was raised in the church. I wanted to make sure that this person wasn't hurt or didn't hurt himself. I just knew he didn't sound right, and I'd never heard that before. So, I decided to go. And something in me that night said, do not go. And of course, I didn't listen. I just kept going. And that probably was one of the things I sometime wish I could have taken back, just not knowing. But yeah.

[00:09:24] Jeff Tiessen: So you went to help him, and he had other designs, right?

[00:09:31] Larissa Camp: Oh, he had another mission. Yes, he did. So, the thing was, I got to the house, and one thing that I'd noticed that I've never seen before was that there was a front porch light that was off. And as soon as I got out of the car and walked to the door, he meets me at the door. I barely knocked, but he opened the door slowly and just kind of looked at me with this blank stare. And he invites me in. So, I go in to ask him, you know, what's going on? Is everything okay? And he says, why don't you just come in and have a seat, and I'll go get dressed. He had a T shirt and some shorts on. So, I go upstairs and I sit down. And the next thing that I know, he's taken a little bit of time downstairs. He took about 10 minutes, and I'm sitting there watching the Steve Harvey show, and next thing I know, he comes back upstairs and he just lays on the couch. And I'm looking at him kind of bewildered. Like, he called me.

And at the time, I worked for an ambulance company taking calls for people that needed, you know, help getting to the doctor, which is the irony. It's kind of crazy. And I didn't think too much of it. But finally he pulls out this form. Him and his mother had just returned from the doctor's office. He gives me the form and says, the doctor said that I have acid reflex. My mother just bought me back, and I need this prescription filled. I said, okay, well, whatever it is you need, let's go ahead and handle it. And, you know, I can get this taken care of. Otherwise, I have some other things I need to really do. So, he decides that that wasn't good enough of an answer. He decides to light up six cigarettes back to back. And after the sixth one, he begins to ask me, well, why don't you move back in with me? Why don't you just please forgive me for everything I've done? And after going through those motions, I kept telling him, no, you know, it's never going to work. We've really been through a lot. I'm just here to help you. You know, I mean, it's fine. I forgive you. We can be friends or whatever, but I’m not interested really in a relationship.

And I believe that's what set him off Jeff. So, he decides that he's going to walk to the closet and pull out a shotgun. And I'm looking at him honestly in a sense of disbelief, because at the time that we were in the relationship together, he made plenty of threats and attempts at my life, not just, you know, physically and verbally, but also there were where, you know, he had just bought up different stories of different people, family members, even, that things have happened to. And I knew he was not really over that. He hadn't processed that. So I think that was more of the emotional manipulation to get me to have some sort of sympathy or empathy for him and what he was experiencing, even though that happened in his childhood. But kind of moving forward, there was a part of me that didn't really believe that what he was about to do, because he's always made threats. Until he reached in his pocket and pulled out a shell. And he reached in the pocket, he pulled out the shell, loaded the gun up. And the next thing that I know is that the gun is pointing towards my face.

So, I'm like, okay, what do you? What are you going to do with that? You know? And he said, you don't have to worry about screaming. You don't have to worry about calling your family. Matter of fact, your family don't even care about you. This is your last day. You're not going to live anymore. And when he said those words to me, I instantly jumped up from the chair I was sitting in, and we began to fight with the gun at the top level of the house. And so, we made it to one of the back bedrooms that was empty. And next thing I know, something said, look up. I looked up, the gun was pointing at my face, and I put my hand in front of the gun, and when I put my hand in front of the gun, the gun went off. And the next thing that I knew is that there was nothing but smoke. My ears were ringing. My goodness, I really couldn't see and really couldn't comprehend what was going on. I knew something happened, but I really didn't feel any different. I just had this sense to stop and look to see what happened. And when I looked down at my hand, my fingers were crumpled. I think one was missing. My ring finger was missing. And fight or flight kicked in. I knew I had to get out of there. I knew I could still run. So, next thing I did was I fought my way out. And believe it or not, this guy was just standing there looking at me, bewildered, as if he could not believe what he had just done.

So, we make it to the bathroom and we kind of tussle there. And the next thing I know I'm making it to the front door. And the whole time I had my purse in my other arm. Why, I don't know, but I had my purse with me. And as soon as I make it to the doors, a split-level home and I'm turning to open the door and realize, you know, gosh, this door is so hard. Why can't I open this door? And when I turn around and look he's reloading the gun a second time. And at this point in time, it was so unbelievable to see that this man now no longer had anything visible in his eyes that revealed to me that he was there. The eyes were black, Jeff. And I knew that this was no longer something human that I was battling against. Next thing I knew, I screamed out the name Jesus as loud as I could. And out of nowhere I was able to muster up a strength to push this man down into the basement. He lost his gun. And I proceeded to open the door. Now something said, stop, turn around and look. I turned around to look and he was standing behind me with the gun pointed directly towards my back. And with this, the bullet now had went off, had went through the left side of my arm, a few layers of skin on the chest and through the door. And it actually turned me back towards the front door. And after I saw this, I knew that I was able to run. There were no holes in my body. Even though the arms, I still could run. I had my purse with me, opened the door and I took out running as fast as I could. I ended up going to a neighbour's house and I was running, I was breathing hard. I think it was like 104 degrees out that night. And I was just wanting to die. Everything in me wanted to give up, but it's like my legs were not letting go of this fight. So, I kept going. And I made it to this house and no one answered. The TV was blaring loudly so I knew someone was there. I knew. I knew they heard gunshots go off, and I knew they knew I was outside. Well, the next thing that I knew was that I heard sirens in the distance. So as soon as I heard the sirens, I began to run towards the street. And I'm screaming and I'm pleading and I'm screaming, crying for help. And the next thing I know is like this voice came to me telling me, you will live. And it was the voice that I heard that gave me this peace, knowing that someone was coming for me. I knew that I was saved.

[00:17:29] Jeff Tiessen: You've talked about how you should have been dead and gone. That's your quote. And you just shared this incredibly personal story with such vivid details. And I know you share it often in the work that you do on stage and in talking about domestic violence. But how first did you come to process it and how even 20 years later are you able to seemingly comfortably, and I don't want to make assumptions, but seemingly comfortably share this with others continuously?

[00:18:05] Larissa Camp: Yeah, you know, this is kind of hard to believe, but when I talk to my mother, I tell her the same thing. I say, mom, I feel like I know I was there, but it was almost as if I was watching it happen. It was almost as if I was watching a movie happen before me. And how I'm able to share this? I know that it's no power or strength truly of my own to even sit here before you. And this was not the plan of life for me. Yes, I should have been dead and gone. And not just probably from that instance, Jeff. I think from even younger, even before that time. Before this relationship, maybe in drugs and alcohol, whatever. I mean, there were so many things, so many situations that have happened in my life that I knew that it was nothing but the grace of God, his hand over my life to give me this awesome story and to be able to entrust me with it. So, therefore, you know, there's times I know in different situations and arenas that I don't want to leave anything out. However, I know it's about the overcoming, but sometimes I think the wake-up call and for many people in domestic violence situations, men and women, is that you have to sometimes go there to let them understand and see and know you know that this thing is really real. You can't really play around with, you know, going back and forth and being unsure. It's all about finding your purpose. And I truly, truly thank God for the story because the story has brought purpose to my life. It enables me to be able to serve others in many different facets of life and situations.

[00:20:07] Jeff Tiessen: Wow. That's a really powerful answer. And from such a raw story, you've also said that you have a lot to be thankful for. And I'm hearing that in what you're saying in the direction that life has gone since. And, you know, I also mentioned that you do a lot of public speaking. And so, when you're up on those stages or sharing your story, story with media, as you often do, what is the message that you want people to hear? What do you want them walking out of that arena with or, you know, away from that television interview or the article they read in the newspaper? What is it?

[00:20:43] Larissa Camp: Yeah, so what I want people to really grasp and understand and most importantly, be inspired to find your purpose. To know that you have worth. To know that your worth and identity is not tied to the status of a job or a relationship or the drugs and alcohol or whatever it might look like. I think because of the perceived lack of things, and voids that people have in their life, and maybe not because of things that they brought upon themselves, things they inherited. Most importantly is that, you know, you have purpose and worth. And I think finding significance is more important than trying to be successful, trying to, you know, influence the masses of people and not really have a message that brings transformation to some degree in the lives of others.

[00:21:46] Jeff Tiessen: I would imagine that doesn't necessarily mean a traumatic experience like you have, like a shooting. You don't have to hit that kind of rock bottom, right?

[00:22:01] Larissa Camp: Not at all. Not at all. And that's the thing. So, and this is no fault of anyone. Like I mentioned a little earlier, I was raised in a city that was small, didn't have a lot of opportunities. It did have track, and it did have basketball. But I guess, you know, too, as a family unit, there was some of that in my family. There was some of that growing up. So, the idea and perspective that I got of relationships that was inherited to myself was, you know what? This is how you take care of your mate. This is how you submit. And it wasn't taught verbally, It was something that was non verbal. So, it's almost like biting your nails, for instance. You see someone doing it and you are probably predisposed to doing it. It's not because you're taught that it's wrong or that it's right. It's just something that happens. And unfortunately, you don't need a traumatic story to do that. It's all about finding the things that you like, what are your interests, what are your hobbies. And be steadfast on that. Because I truly believe that the people, the places, the alignments that need to happen that will cater and support the vision of the person will help them to move forward into that thing that they call, I guess, their life's purpose.

[00:23:36] Jeff Tiessen: Yeah, I want to talk more about that life's purpose because for you it goes beyond this messaging that we're talking about. But before we leave the domestic violence side of the story, there's so much important experience that you share when it comes to early signs, red flags for both men and women that they shouldn't ignore in those kind of environments and maybe toxic climates. Can you talk a little bit about that? Because you said you saw them, they were there, and you ignored them. That's maybe another discussion. But what are some of those things that you recognized?

[00:24:27] Larissa Camp: Yeah. So, okay, I didn't recognize it then. Like I said, even though I was raised in a situation, mine was totally different. It was kind of the opposite. It was more so catered to a desire that I always had growing up to have that healthy relationship to be supported, to be taken care of. So, some of the flags that I saw or became aware of, were starting or moving into those relationships too fast. For instance, he wanted a commitment. He wanted to commit fairly quickly. We did live together soon, within two to three months. And the next thing I know we were going out to purchase rings. And I didn't ask for it. It was like I was forced to go. So, it was forcing the commitment. Trying to get the agreement for the commitment soon really land heavy on those past stories of past relationships and family trauma, you know to really bond emotionally. What were some other things? Expensive gifts, giving me the credit card to go shopping. Just really trying to cater to me and find out some of the things that I truly desired. Even, Jeff, going to church. And I kind of hate to say that, but I mean it does happen in all arenas. That was one of the things I really wanted in my next relationship. So that was something I was very vocal about, and he catered to that need, and it was great until, you know, he tried to use religion against me. So. Yeah, and it's a lot more.

[00:26:13] Jeff Tiessen: Did he isolate you from family and friends? Was that part of it or not?

[00:26:19] Larissa Camp: You know what he did. He isolated me from family and friends by, first of all, inviting me to move in and then needed to be made aware of when I spoke with them, what we talked about. But also he attempted to get my family on his good side. So, no matter what he did, no matter what he said, it was almost like Christmas. He wanted to hand out envelopes of money. Trying to, you know, buy their participation or what have you in this toxic relationship. But that's also one of those things. And it worked for a minute until it didn't.

[00:27:08] Jeff Tiessen: Thanks for sharing that. I think that it's so important to hear from someone who has experienced it like you. Let's talk about life now. You're a working mom, a career that some might think is a bit unusual considering your amputation. Challenging, at least for a hand amputee, that being a hairstylist. So, tell us about your family, your working life as a hairstylist. What are some of the interests, other interests in your life? What do you do? What's a day in the life like for Larissa Camp?

[00:27:40] Larissa Camp: Yeah. So my family, first all, they were really supportive of me taking that step to go to school for hair. And I think the earlier question you asked about faith, it truly was a step of faith for me. My grandmother had mentioned, Larissa, you know, you're still doing hair. You're doing a great job. Why don't you just go to school? And that was crazy, because in my mind, who is going to except the stylist that doesn't have their hand? I mean, we don't hear about this. This is crazy. And, you know, I prayed about it, and I said, you know what? Maybe she's on to something here. And not because I want attention. No. I was the person that was hiding. Every chance I got, I hid. I wasn't comfortable with my hand. I wasn't sure what people would think, let alone I was already looking at myself. Wrong. So, anyway, I took my grandmother's advice, and I enrolled. And it was scary because I was faced with, you know, standing up to others who had all of their digits. And one day I met a sheer company. They came in and they helped out. But anyway, my family is very supportive, and my son actually helped to give me the courage to really stand up in so many ways.

[00:29:25] Jeff Tiessen: So how did he do that, Larissa?

[00:29:28] Larissa Camp: Yeah. Wow. Okay. Well, my son was probably about nine, and he would always encourage me in this way. Like, mom, come on. You can do it. In a way, in a sense, I would kind of shy back from really spending the time with him that was, you know, like normal play because I wasn't sure that I could catch a ball. It was those little things. And by chance, I was working with a lady who was helping me edit a couple things, and I would go into another room and kind of share with her details about why I want this included here, and you can put that there. And one day, my son comes up to me. He's probably about 11. He says, mom, what are you talking about? Who are you talking to? And I said, I'm talking to a lady about a book I'm writing. Oh, well, what's the book about? And at this time, I knew. I kept it from him. And I know he was young, and I knew he wouldn't grasp and understand all of the details, but there were certain things I could share, and I think just growing up, I would tell him, like just make sure that you listen, you pay attention, because there's a lot of things that could happen in life, and just ensure that you're on the right track and do what you want to do. That sense of encouragement until I had to tell him the truth. And when I told him, he sat there and he stared at me, and said, mom, you know what? I already know. And I was bewildered. What do you mean? What do you mean? How do you know? Did somebody tell you? Well, no. One day I was on YouTube, and I saw you on there, and you were sharing your story. So, I already know. I just wanted you to tell me. I was blown away, Jeff. I was blown away.

And that also was another revelation, so to speak, for me, that I needed to start speaking out. I needed to start taking those steps forward. I didn't have to be afraid. I think I was trying to shield and protect even my son from what I experienced because I loved him so much. I didn't want him to be afraid. I didn't want him to experience any type of doubt or, and maybe those were just emotions and thoughts that I was having. But that’s to say he has been a total source of inspiration and still is to this day along with my family. But you know, what I have learned is that there's nothing that I can't do. I hike, I love cars. I love hair, I love gardening. There are so many interests that I do have. I think ziplining is like been the latest thing for me so you know, there's just so much more to learn and to really reach forward interest-wise. But I truly am thankful that my family has been a supportive group and warriors that stand in my corner.

[00:32:33] Jeff Tiessen: Yeah, I'm glad I asked about your son. That remarkable that he was such an impetus in you moving on, right?

[00:32:43] Larissa Camp: Yeah, definitely. Definitely. And now I want to do that even though, you know, he's a boy. But what greater witness are we as parents to trials and in adversity and challenges and overcoming than actually being the demonstration and not just telling the kids, you know, you need to go do this, you need to try this, you need to go to college. Well, what do they have to really strive for? What gives them that grounding? So yeah, I had to step up.

[00:33:19] Jeff Tiessen: Obviously you're an incredible role model for that that he found on YouTube.

[00:33:29] Larissa Camp: Day and age we live in.

[00:33:31] Jeff Tiessen: My God, it sure is. I just wanted to wrap up with a question again around purpose and you've talked a lot about that already but it's been 20 years now and I'm hearing you say, I suppose being such a learning journey, I guess might be a way to put it. Are there things you're still learning and with that purpose. I understand what it means and looks like to you. What can it mean for others? Just as a segue to, you know, a thanks for being here on the show and sharing with our listeners. So, what are you still learning about yourself? And what kind of message or purpose can that mean for others?

[00:34:18] Larissa Camp: What I'm learning is that I still have a lot to learn. I still have a lot to learn in many different areas and most importantly, never, never doubting your ability to do anything. And I mean, if I could, one of the scriptures that I wrote down was out of 2nd Corinthians 12 and 9. It says, my grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more in my infirmities that Christ's power may rest on me. And for me, that's the purpose of it all. We are given situations in life not because we're bad and we deserve it, or, you know, God wants a good laugh, maybe because, I don't know. But we're given those things because He knows how we will handle them. And when you ask about what do you want people to understand or to know about purpose? I think that it is resilience and that we're all born with a measure of resilience. Whatever it is that we go through is to be used for a greater purpose, to obviously, you know, not magnify ourselves. But there's a strength that's found in that due to a process that you will go through. And who knows how long it takes. For me, it took 10 years.

And I'm finding that there are other areas where it's taken a little longer. And that's fine. To really come to the acceptance of the hand that I was dealt, what I am to achieve or what I am to do and what I don't know, more will be added along the way. So just knowing that this story was given to me and many stories given to others, whatever their situations are, their life challenges, whatever they have overcome, there is purpose for that pain. There's purpose for the temporary setback. There's purpose for things that we don't truly understand. But I think being reflective is what helps us to get to a place where we see and we know that there is a level of resilience that's there that makes us even the more stronger, even the more wiser, even the more greater. There's no competition. There's no competition. We all have our own fingerprint for a reason.

And we may not be able to map out every single line, but it's not really our job to do that. It's our job to really appreciate and be thankful and grateful and use what we have. And the more that we step out on that and exercise those talents, more will be given because we're entrusted now to handle that. So, I'm hoping this answers your question. But as I'm especially reflecting on the scripture, there's nothing that I can do in and of myself, but I'm willing to be available.

[00:38:08] Jeff Tiessen: What an incredible message. And I think you can see the emotion coming out in you, in what you just said and I love what you just said about, we all have our own fingerprint. There's no guide or roadmap. It's all very personal, isn't it? And digging deep within. So, I am not going to say anymore because I will only water down what you just said and left us with. But you've left me a bit emotional too today. So Larissa, thank you so much for agreeing to join me and thank you for all you do for others. Folks. Great website to learn more and connect with Larissa. The website is larissalovenotes.com just like it sounds. 2s's in Larissa. Larissa, thank you very much.

[00:39:09] Larissa Camp: Thank you Jeff. I so appreciate this. Thank you.

[00:39:12] Jeff Tiessen: You are welcome. And with that, this has been Life and Limb. Thank you for listening. You can read about others who are thriving with limb loss or limb difference and plenty more at ThriveMag.ca and you'll find our previous podcast episodes there as well. Until next time, Live well.