Gratitude... When Nothing's Going Right

I’m not sure at what point I started to practice gratitude. But this practice, among others, such as mindfulness, saved me.

There was resistance at first. On the day I began my gratitude journey, I asked myself, “What is there to be thankful for in being sick?” What followed was this: “There’s nothing to be grateful for.” I conceded to my ego.

The following day was a little better. I aimed a little lower. I looked for the low hanging fruit — smaller things that I appreciated, like having the ability to walk even if it was only a short distance, listen to music, breathe, and drink my tea.

Each day I identified what brought me joy, what brought me peace, what made me smile, and what made me see differently.

And from there, I started to look for opportunities to be thankful, whether it was at the hospital or cooped up in my room, or when I couldn’t recognize myself in the mirror because I had lost so much weight or when the normal that I knew was upended.

Especially during moments of acute fear, I searched deep and long for that tiny scrap of something, anything to drop my gratitude anchor in.