The Reflection in the Mirror!
Author: Rouzalin Hakim
She outgrew the version of herself that she needed to be to survive and is ready to become the version of herself that is going to THRIVE!
Hello fellow thrive magazine readers. We meet again. This editorial is a special one for me as it marks the three-year anniversary of my accident. As I reflect, a bevy of mixed emotions arise… from celebratory accomplishments to the mourning of loss. I’ve always wondered if the feeling of loss ever goes away? For me, unfortunately, it only subsides, fading slightly in a background of so many others.
Three years sounds like a long time, but it feels like it was just yesterday. In moments like this, I can’t help but reminisce about the past, both pre and post incident. I don’t know if you’ve read my previous contributions to thrive magazine, but sticking with the past, I’ll share a little bit about mine with you.
Three years ago, I had a near-fatal motorcycle accident and when I woke up next to the cold walls of Sunnybrook Hospital, I found myself to be an AK [above-knee] amputee.
As I saw it, nothing would ever be the same again and that feeling is absolutely mortifying. The overnight change was too much, and I was more lost than I ever thought I’d be in this lifetime. The endless unanswered questions that ran through my mind night after night took a deep dark toll on my mind.
Three years sounds like a long time, but it feels like it was just yesterday. In moments like this, I can’t help but reminisce about the past, both pre and post incident. I don’t know if you’ve read my previous contributions to thrive magazine, but sticking with the past, I’ll share a little bit about mine with you.
Three years ago, I had a near-fatal motorcycle accident and when I woke up next to the cold walls of Sunnybrook Hospital, I found myself to be an AK [above-knee] amputee.
As I saw it, nothing would ever be the same again and that feeling is absolutely mortifying. The overnight change was too much, and I was more lost than I ever thought I’d be in this lifetime. The endless unanswered questions that ran through my mind night after night took a deep dark toll on my mind.
“… my life became a dryer of tumbling emotions set on high speed. Emotions I didn’t even know existed.”
The recovery process was both physically and mentally draining. Learning about prostheses, bouncing back and forth from assistance to mobility devices, and relearning everything was just too much. The wheelchair phase was personally the worst for me. I felt like everyone was looking down at me, literally and figuratively.
As the days, weeks, and months passed, my life became a dryer of tumbling emotions set on high speed. Emotions I didn’t even know existed. I wasn’t just relearning how to maneuver through my life, I was learning how to maneuver through myself. The identity that I had created for myself was stripped bare and I now had a blank slate staring back at me in the mirror. I was too physically and emotionally exhausted to try and piece my life back together. I didn’t even know where or how to start.
Many have had that time in our life where everything is seemingly falling apart, and we don’t know how to handle it. But somehow, someway, we manage to do it. When it comes to these life-altering changes, most times we do have one thing on our side, and that is time!
Time is our best friend, yet we always tend to rush it. How many times have you said “Wow. Where has the time gone?” However, in the moment it feels like forever. Now that I sit here and reflect, it does feel like forever ago. So, what do my three years as an amputee look like? I still consider myself rather young in the recovery process, considering that most of the people I’ve met were either born with limb difference or have lived with limb loss for most of their lives. But, for being just a “three-year-old,” I’ve done a whole lot of things.
I got right back into fitness and even competed in a professional fitness contest for the first time in my life, just one year after my injury. I always mention my return to fitness because I know firsthand how so many people struggle with this after losing a limb. Speaking with many amputees, we all share the same outlook. But we’re not alone and there’s a way for you too, I promise. It’s extremely important to get back to any sort of healthy physical activity whether it’s yoga, cardio, strength training, walking, you name it, for benefits for both mental and physical health.
Let’s circle back. Another accomplishment for me is writing for thrive magazine, which has become my biggest passion and has given me an outlet and a way to help others. I returned to work at a new place of employment which was very intimidating, but I had to push through to overcome my emotional obstacles. I’ve become involved in our amputee community and many more. Volunteering has brought me a sense of purpose and strength. I started traveling again, a big accomplishment because it challenges me in a new way, and calls on creativity to adapt.
As the days, weeks, and months passed, my life became a dryer of tumbling emotions set on high speed. Emotions I didn’t even know existed. I wasn’t just relearning how to maneuver through my life, I was learning how to maneuver through myself. The identity that I had created for myself was stripped bare and I now had a blank slate staring back at me in the mirror. I was too physically and emotionally exhausted to try and piece my life back together. I didn’t even know where or how to start.
Many have had that time in our life where everything is seemingly falling apart, and we don’t know how to handle it. But somehow, someway, we manage to do it. When it comes to these life-altering changes, most times we do have one thing on our side, and that is time!
Time is our best friend, yet we always tend to rush it. How many times have you said “Wow. Where has the time gone?” However, in the moment it feels like forever. Now that I sit here and reflect, it does feel like forever ago. So, what do my three years as an amputee look like? I still consider myself rather young in the recovery process, considering that most of the people I’ve met were either born with limb difference or have lived with limb loss for most of their lives. But, for being just a “three-year-old,” I’ve done a whole lot of things.
I got right back into fitness and even competed in a professional fitness contest for the first time in my life, just one year after my injury. I always mention my return to fitness because I know firsthand how so many people struggle with this after losing a limb. Speaking with many amputees, we all share the same outlook. But we’re not alone and there’s a way for you too, I promise. It’s extremely important to get back to any sort of healthy physical activity whether it’s yoga, cardio, strength training, walking, you name it, for benefits for both mental and physical health.
Let’s circle back. Another accomplishment for me is writing for thrive magazine, which has become my biggest passion and has given me an outlet and a way to help others. I returned to work at a new place of employment which was very intimidating, but I had to push through to overcome my emotional obstacles. I’ve become involved in our amputee community and many more. Volunteering has brought me a sense of purpose and strength. I started traveling again, a big accomplishment because it challenges me in a new way, and calls on creativity to adapt.
“Wherever you are in your journey, I encourage you to take the time to reflect and be proud of who you are and what you’ve overcome.”
Through the Amputee Coalition of Canada, I became certified to provide peer support for other amputees in their journey because I know how important and impactful it is to have someone with whom to share and listen. I speak publicly and as a guest on podcasts to advocate for our community. I don’t think many non-disabled people know what it’s like to live with a disability and I believe bringing awareness is extremely valuable.
I have met some of the kindest and strongest people I can ever imagine. Our community has a bond like no other. I returned to motorcycling with a Can-Am Spyder which has brought me so much joy. It is an excellent reminder that just because life is modified doesn’t mean it can’t be exciting. I mean, I’m a female AK amputee who rides. How much more exciting can things get for me?
The more time that I live as an amputee, the less I think about my pre-accident life. I have done, seen, and accomplished more things in the past three years than I had in my entire life. I have discovered new layers of myself that I’m truly proud of, and I know more of who I am now than ever before. Yes, of course, I still think about the days before, but the more memories that I make, the more laughter I share, the more people I engage with and help, the more goals I accomplish, the more I have a sense of self.
I’m learning who I am every day, and I am so much more aware of that. Wherever you are in your journey, I encourage you to take the time to reflect and be proud of who you are and what you’ve overcome. Since the gift of time is ours, I feel it’s important to return to what you know and love because it brings a sense of stability and calm while discovering new passions that bring a sense of accomplishment and thrill. It’s great to stay in a comfort zone while testing new ones from time to time. Do it at your own pace.
Yes, our lives dramatically change after an amputation. Why not make this new one full of new adventures and discoveries. Since this editorial is dedicated to reflecting and time, I leave you with what I find to be an amazing quote… “The bad news is that time flies; the good news is that you’re the pilot.”
I have met some of the kindest and strongest people I can ever imagine. Our community has a bond like no other. I returned to motorcycling with a Can-Am Spyder which has brought me so much joy. It is an excellent reminder that just because life is modified doesn’t mean it can’t be exciting. I mean, I’m a female AK amputee who rides. How much more exciting can things get for me?
The more time that I live as an amputee, the less I think about my pre-accident life. I have done, seen, and accomplished more things in the past three years than I had in my entire life. I have discovered new layers of myself that I’m truly proud of, and I know more of who I am now than ever before. Yes, of course, I still think about the days before, but the more memories that I make, the more laughter I share, the more people I engage with and help, the more goals I accomplish, the more I have a sense of self.
I’m learning who I am every day, and I am so much more aware of that. Wherever you are in your journey, I encourage you to take the time to reflect and be proud of who you are and what you’ve overcome. Since the gift of time is ours, I feel it’s important to return to what you know and love because it brings a sense of stability and calm while discovering new passions that bring a sense of accomplishment and thrill. It’s great to stay in a comfort zone while testing new ones from time to time. Do it at your own pace.
Yes, our lives dramatically change after an amputation. Why not make this new one full of new adventures and discoveries. Since this editorial is dedicated to reflecting and time, I leave you with what I find to be an amazing quote… “The bad news is that time flies; the good news is that you’re the pilot.”
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